Youthful Fear and What To Do With It

Young athletes and fear often collide like freight trains racing toward each other on the same track.  All of us face it.  But for the young athlete, it is often horrific.

When our oldest daughter Rachel was five, she started track.  Practice was ok.  She liked running, the new shoes, and a uniform.  Moms and coaches were there in the shadows of an open stadium, with empty bleachers,  lots of encouragement and love.  There was nothing threatening about practice.  Not so on the day of the first track meet.  She got up, got dressed, and started crying.  Her mother and I sat for a long time with her on her bed consoling and dabbing tears.   She told us she was afraid, that she didn’t know if she could do it, that she was scared.   We encouraged her to go, to see what was going on, to give it a try.

Now it was the parents turn to be afraid.  What if she had a negative experience?  What if she never ran again?   What if she wanted to throw rocks at us?   All good questions.  We arrived at the track.  The stadium was full of parents and kids. The infield was covered with the bright uniforms of stretching athletes, high jumpers, track teams, and chatter.  The track was marked with fresh chalk.  The starter carried a pistol.  There were lots of things frightening to a child who had practiced in the shadows of a quiet stadium and did not want to run except maybe home.  So we sat on the grass, watched the runners prepare, and listened to the starter pistol pop in the early morning sunshine.  We just watched.

Her race was called.  “Try it,” I said to her.  “If you don’t like it, we’ll go home.  Give it a try.”   I think that at that moment in time I was more frightened than she.  Such a promise.  She lined up for  the 200 meter, looking at her mother, sister and I, then, at the starter with his huge black starter pistol, his raspy voice, shouting “Ready.”  The gun went off, and the race was on.  Rachel may not have started well.  That pistol was loud and the fans were cheering but she started, she ran, and to everyone’s astonishment . . . she won.   No one was more relieved than I.

At little league tryouts my youngest son, all six years of him, wasn’t sure.   In fact he was absolutely not sure.  There were lots of people.  Names were called over a megaphone for each boy and girl to come up– to throw the ball, to catch it, to swing the bat at a ball pitched and one perched on a T.  But the pitched ball was thrown by a full-grown man that in this case had played ball professionally.   There were ten men with clip boards watching.

It wasn’t the backyard, where everyone loved and adored him.   It was with a hundred parents and seemingly a thousand kids his age, watching . . . him.  His name was called.  He didn’t want to go.  He, like his sister wanted to go home.  So we watched the entire tryout.   He noted that he knew a lot of those kids, that he’d played with them, that they did ok.  He thought about the fact that it was only a ball.  The crowd began to diminish.  No one was carried away in a stretcher.  Finally he decided that he could do it, that it was no big deal.  And it was no big deal.  He’d overcome those fears, all by himself.

We all have fears.   Performance anxiety is real.   It takes time, encouragement, and as little “stress” pressure as possible for young athletes to seize their demons.   Rachel went on to become an all star in track, basketball, and soccer.  She overcame those fears, as did her brother.  Parental and coach patience, together with lots of encouragement are the keys to overcoming fear.  For all of us it is different.  Once the kids know that they “can,”  the parents can relax.  You know they “will.”

It is January–Time for Baseball Sign-ups

I love January. It’s the month before February and February in Southern California, even though it is the rainy season, is when Little League teams are drafted and the first practices of the season are held.   Regardless of calendar declarations to the contrary, that first practice is the real official first  day of Spring.  In the field strawberries are turning red and in the evenings baseball teams practice in  every park.  The rest of the nation may be moribund in winter snow but the grass is green in Ventura, California.

Baseball is a rite of Spring.  It is a rite of passage for every boy and girl. Bubblegum,  sunflower seeds and base hits are what life is all about.  It doesn’t matter whether you are a participant or a proud parent cheering from thirty year old, rusty, rickety stands.  For many those stands supported  your grandparents who long ago  cheered for your mom or dad.

Where should your son or daughter be on March 1, or April 1 if you live in the Northern States?  Baseball practice.   And afterwards?   It’s hot dogs, mustard, and relish and for dessert it’s McDonalds for those soft ice cream cups with nuts, whipped cream, and a spoon.  It is the rite of Spring.  So sign up.  If money is a problem in these recessionary times every little league has scholarship programs.  Just ask.  Baseball is what we live for and remember forever.  It’s spring.  It’s baseball and nothing could be better.

Choose Soccer for Fun

Is your child the normal sort?  Does she or he like to run about, climb on the monkey bars, swing about the merry-go-round and loves a ball.  Which team sport are you going to sign him/her up for?  I recommend soccer.  Why soccer?  In the world of soccer there is room for everyone.  Everyone plays.  That is the great attribute of youth sports.  You don’t have to be good to play.  Skill level is not a factor.  Players are rotated in and out according to specific guidelines.  Each player gets at least half a game to get a foot on the ball. And when they do?  The whole family goes to CHUCK E CHEESE.

Soccer is an easy game to learn.  The young beginner can learn it easily, both by practicing the drills, and by observation.  Most of the younger teams play a version my husband and I like to call “swarm soccer.”  We are amused and delighted by the efforts these young players give to just getting the ball down the field, all together.  There is generally little or no passing, and the strategies and skills of the older player are still a few years off.   But the team does drive the ball down the field, and everyone is part of scoring a goal.

The health benefits of soccer are these:  increased fitness due to the nearly constant motion and activity required by running up and down the field.   I have heard it called a heart-healthy game.  Increased strength, flexibility and endurance are a few other benefits of this sport.  Playing outdoors is also a big plus.  Improved coordination results.

Soccer is a good team learning experience.  Learning how to be part of a team takes practice.   Making friends, practicing passing drills, being part of a team effort, the young player learns that life is not a solitary journey.  The young player will begin to appreciate the concept of sharing the ball and receiving help as a positive aspect of winning.

Soccer requires little more than a ball and a few friends.  It can be played one’s whole life.  In time, the game becomes more complex, the skill levels more advanced.  Enrolling your child in a program that is carefully managed, with the focus on the child’s enjoyment and development will yield long-term benefits, both physically and mentally.

The Mental Side of a Winning Athlete

The Mental Side Of Winning

The most forgotten side of coaching athletics is mental.  Yet the mental side of coaching will yield the most positive results of any coaching you will do.  It will give positive results quicker with less coaching than any other single set of techniques.   Despite its great value, it is forgotten, often disregarded, not to mention lost and hidden behind teaching physical skills.

At its very foundation the mental side of any sport is being and thinking positive.  A word of warning: Beware of this simplistic definition because the negative often camouflages the positive.  Here is an example: In shooting free throws the athlete often approaches the task saying to himself, “I gotta make this shot” and he or she’s very positive in this affirmation.  This is, however, a negative, and is counter productive.  The chances are increased that the shot will be missed.  Instead of relaxing and letting the shot just happen, the muscles will invariably tense up and the difficulty of the exercise will increase.  “I gotta, I have to, If I don’t make this shot I’ll just die . . . “, are all negatives and are to be avoided.

On the positive side, the athlete will approach the foul line, receive the ball from the referee, then begin his or her ritual, by bouncing the ball a proscribed number of times or none at all, eye the basket, indeed, eye a particular part of the basket.  During this ritual, he will be reviewing in his mind exactly how he makes this shot, remembering successful feelings of making the shot, mentally saying “this is how I take this shot.”   He should then release the ball to the basket without allowing another thought to enter the mind.   The statistical probability of making the shot will increase dramatically depending in part on the particular skill level of the athlete.  Note, the mental side is taught.  It doesn’t just happen.  It, like all muscle memory exercises, must be repeated as often as possible.

The same mental preparedness is true of a soccer player about to kick a penalty shot or a batsman about to address a sixty-mile-an-hour curve ball.  The simple mental preparation is accomplished as the athlete reviews how he performs the task successfully.  This mental preparation in conjunction with physical repetition, i.e., doing a task perfectly, yields fantastic results.

The second and equally important portion of mental preparedness comes directly from the coach himself.  Praise profusely and loudly and do it sincerely.   Your athletes need to know you approve of them.  Every athlete has something to praise, even if it is merely showing up.  Find it, praise it loudly, and reap the results.  Athletes tend to perform up to or down to the coach’s announced expectations.

5 SIMPLE REASONS TO PLAY SPORTS

1. HEALTHY ACTIVITY IS A BIG PLUS. Laying the foundation for a physically active life is one of the great benefits of early participation in sports.  Young children are primed for movement.  Running, jumping, skipping, hopping, whirling in circles, standing on their heads, doing cartwheels, chasing, and wrestling, it seems they never stand or sit still.  Discovering just what they like doing best will help you determine what sports will be fun for them.  It sounds funny to me now, but I had a two-year-old who loved to stand on her head, and sit in a chair upside down, even while watching TV.  When she was 3 years old I enrolled her in a community gymnastics class that met once a week.  Ten years later she was a gymnast with a big smile, and ten years after that a professional dancer in a modern dance company.  Just last week, in a lull in our holiday activities, I watched her do a handstand in the living room.  No one paid any attention.  It’s just part of who she is.
2. PARTICIPATION IN A SPORT DEVELOPS SKILLS. Learning how to chase a ball, swing a bat, take a shot, ride a skate board, swing a racket, or walk a balance beam takes a good amount of specific skills.  The coordination alone that is developed in pursuing a sport will be a big plus.  Physical and mental skills are formed as young athletes learn drills, and strategies for their sport.
3. BEING ON A TEAM TEACHES A GROUP DYNAMIC. Learning to be part of a team requires thinking outside of oneself.  This is a very important and necessary lesson that has far reaching affects off the playing field.  The description “team player” is one that is often considered in assessing successful work attributes.  Commitment and dependability are necessary to a winning team, whether you are 10 or 35.
4. ATHLETES LEARN SELF-DISCIPLINE. Self-discipline is inherent in the “team player” concept.  It is also learned as an athlete practices his or her sport.  Accountability for that practice can be taught.  We did something that may seem very weird.  We paid our kids to practice.  Before you jump out of your skin at that thought, let me assure you that it wasn’t very much.  They each had a small notebook and they logged in the time they spent practicing their skills.  My husband grew up on a farm and had daily family chores; hard work beyond the cleaning your room and making your bed stuff.  It was outdoor physical labor.  The closest we could get to creating that kind of daily physical effort was through practicing their sport on their own each day, whether it was practicing free throws, or throwing a ball.
5. SPORTS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES FOR FUN. Let’s not forget fun!  There has to be fun involved, whether it’s the thrill of kicking a ball, or a nice hit.  Part of the fun is the family’s attendance, and cheering.  Sometimes the fun involves celebrating a double play or a goal made.  The satisfaction of winning the race or executing an excellent cartwheel is also a part of the fun.  We remember the fun a long, long time.

On The Importance Of Remembering Who You Are And What You Want

It has been my observation that a parents’ greatest strengths and greatest single weakness are in remembering who they are and what it is that they want for their youth.

In the course of thirty years I have seen some horrific instances of parental lack of foresight.  In the Montalvo Little League parents actually got into a physical confrontation–fists and elbows, and very loud, filthy talk between coaches, umpires and parents–at third base.   The police came to haul off the offenders and charged them with assault and battery.  I have seen the ramification of a mother getting romantically involved with the general manager of a baseball team, not her husband.  The experience can only be described as devastating.   I coached a set of twins in basketball.  They were beautiful girls except when they were on the court.  Then, with their  parents’ loud, vocal encouragement, their only job was to shoot and pass the ball to one another.  The other three players might as well not have been there.  They could have carried a sack lunch and sat with me on the bench.  I was accused of having a hidden agenda when I required the twins to at least acknowledge the presence of their team members.  These parents did not remember who they were nor what they wanted from their athlete’s team experience.

A story was repeatedly told ad nauseam in the soccer tournaments held in Camarillo, California.  Professionally, being a stickler for the quality of evidence, I admittedly never spoke to the participants, but the tellers of the story were so passionate in the telling that I do not doubt its authenticity.  It was the last match of the tournament for both teams and especially for one player.  He was a Downs Syndrome boy who, by reason of his age, was playing his last game.  He’d never scored a goal in all of those years but had played since he was six, loving and enjoying the companionship of his fellow teammates.  He was simply a happy kid, always on the back defensive line, as far out of the way as his coach could get him.  It was difficult for this man to give his team as much of a chance as he could to win with each player playing at least half a game.  It was truly a difficult, if not impossible, position but he managed it well.

In the last half of the match, one team up four goals to one, something happened that was significant, if nor singularly monumental in the lives of those young men who played on the field that afternoon.  By an arrangement among the players it was planned that the boy should score.  “Send Billy with the ball,”  was whispered among them, and so Billy came with the ball from the far back line, trotting through struggling forward and halfback,  past fullback, the best the league had to offer, and lastly through a diving goalie who’d allowed the fewest goals of all scored against him.   Billy buried that ball in the deepest portions of an open net.

Those young men, all twenty-two of them, on the field that afternoon, gave something worth giving, and  saw something worth remembering.  Billy scored twice.  Yes, the stronger team did win but in a larger, more profound sense they were all winners.  Billy experienced something he would always remember but so did the diving goalie and every player between who contributed something more important then winning to that game.    This was a reflection of wonderful parents who knew what they wanted for their sons.  That afternoon twenty-two athletes knew who their parents had taught them to be.

Parents and Youth Athletic Equipment

Painful as it may be, given the fact that you’ve already spent $75.00 just for your son and/or daughter to play, proper equipment is also important.  It ranks right up there with the fee to play.  Some have questioned this statement.  Let me explain.  If your youth is running track and you forgo buying her track spikes, she will most assuredly be three or four steps behind an athlete with similar talent who uses spikes.  In track, spikes make a huge difference.  Remember you are hoping and praying and wishing that your son or daughter will experience success, be the best that they can be, and have loads of fun.  For these reasons proper  equipment is very, very important.

The first rule is: Talk to the coach before you purchase.  He should know, and I would expect him to know, what equipment is required for his particular sport.

Rule number two: Don’t make do.  Here’s an example of making do.  I refereed  a soccer match.  Preliminarily, the referee checks every player’s equipment to see that it is proper and to make sure shoe laces are tied.  I insisted that the players use soccer  cleats.  This caused a stir that amazed me.  One parent insisted that his boy “make do” by wearing  baseball cleats.  The rules prohibit this.  There are several reasons, but here are three:   First, it’s against the rules.  Baseball cleats have a front cleat that hangs on the front edge of the sole.   Soccer cleats do not.  This makes the use of baseball cleats in a soccer match particularly dangerous.  Players are always falling down near the ball and the ball is always being kicked.   Baseball cleats cause gouges, cuts, bruises and injuries because the front cleat hooks and grabs flesh.   Do not even ask to use baseball cleats in a soccer game.  The second  reason for not using baseball cleats in a soccer match is based on the design of the shoe itself.   Baseball cleats are designed to run in a straightforward line. i.e., from 1st to 2nd base.   Soccer cleats are designed to run laterally as well as forward.  They are designed to run in whatever direction the ball is bouncing, which invariably isn’t a straight line.

Another example of making do: Some parents want to substitute regular tennis shoes for a particular set of cleats.  Don’t do it.  They have no grab on the base paths, no grab on a track and they slip like crazy on grass.  It leads to embarrassment and failure.  In baseball, use baseball cleats.  In track, use spikes.  In tennis, use tennis shoes.  Each particular shoe is specifically designed for the particular demands of a particular sport.  Give your youth the advantage of the right equipment for the right sport.

As an aside and a hint about a legitimate “making do.”  Generally cleats of all varieties are not comfortable and do not offer much foot support.  This is especially traumatic where your athlete has flat feet or a high instep.  A parent can buy Dr. Scholl’s or some other variation of insoles which work very well, or a parent can take the insoles out of their child’s tennis shoes and slip them into their cleats.  Suddenly the foot is well supported without a great deal of cost.

Rule 3: When purchasing equipment, get what your youth needs and what the particular sport requires.  This isn’t necessarily what looks good although looks are important.  For example, I had a young baseball player come to the first practice with a new bat.  This was an eight-year-old kid with a bat that Babe Ruth would have been comfortable with.  Instead of the nineteen-ounce bat he should have been packing he was dragging around a beautiful thirty-four ounce bat that even his father would have had difficulty using.  Rule of thumb: If the athlete can hold the bat straight out from his/her body, arm extended, without it waving like a leaf in the wind, for thirty seconds, it is probably a good bat for him/her.  Another example: I was coaching a U8 soccer team.  The parents and athlete showed up at the first practice with a size 5 soccer ball.  That’s what professionals use in the MLS.  She needed a size three.  It is what the league used.  It was what she should use.  A five is simply too big for an under eight player.   A small foot and a large ball mean no control.

In conclusion, ask the coach what is needed before you spend your money.   Only buy the equipment that success in a particular sport demands, and never cut corners or make do when the real item is required.  If you follow these simple guidelines, your child’s success in youth athletics will be enhanced.

Coach’s Meeting – Most Important Meeting of All – Part 2

There are just four more topics to address:

• Half-time and after game snack assignments.  Snacks should be available for the end of every game and during half time at soccer games.  The half-time snack should be orange slices and water; not sugar, for reasons I will explain later.  A team mom or dad needs to be appointed to coordinate this and to make sure this happens.  Young players love the snacks and will remember them long past the game they play.

• Game conduct.   This meeting gives you the opportunity to state what you expect of players and parents at each contest.  This is important.  Really important.   You will need to tell them what time the youth athlete is to be at a game.  Tell the parents what you expect at the game; i.e., only encouragement from the parents.  No one talks to the referees but you.  Announce that you, and only you, will criticize a player, and then only in private, and always away from everyone else.  Remember to praise loudly, teach softly, and critique, where it is called for, one on one and in private.

• Homework.  Most sports require athletes to do homework on a daily basis.   For example: shoot fifty free throws a day: play catch with Dad or Mom every day: take so many ground balls every day: practice dribbling forward and backward every day.   Every sport has these types of exercises.   What you really are looking for generally is for the youth athlete to touch a ball every day, run every day, and get the parents involved every day.  This makes it a joint effort, something everyone is involved in.

• Necessary equipment.  Give specific information regarding the type of equipment, clothing, and shoes each athlete will need.  You can avoid such things as a six-year-old coming to practice with a fifty-one ounce bat when he really needs something that weighs nineteen ounces.   You can explain the difference between a number five soccer ball and a number three.  You can show what type of cleat the particular sport requires and what exactly will be worn on the field.  If shin guards are required, you can discuss the best kinds, and their importance.

So, why is this meeting so important?  It allows everyone to start the season on the same page, working together to accomplish the same goals.  It will facilitate the success of the season every day thereafter.   It is the most important first thing you will do as a coach.   It is, by definition, the place to start.   It is the place everyone’s expectations are defined and expanded on.  It is the place where you, as the coach, inform everyone that you only coach champions and that being champions has nothing to do with winning or losing.  By definition, your players are already winners.

Coach’s Meeting – Most Important Meeting of All – Part 1

I coached soccer for 18 years, managed little league baseball teams for 17 years, and coached approximately 20 basketball teams.  There is one meeting that’s a must and that leads to success.  Its absence leads to steep walls to climb, additional, multiple hurdles to clear.  It is the coach’s meeting with parents and players.  I have done it both ways: had them and ignored them, and suffered the consequences for not having them.  If I could do it over,  I’d always have them.   This meeting is the first step to a successful season.  The meeting should be held in your home before the first practice.  Both parents and the player need to be present. Stress its importance when you first contact the player and parents.  Here’s what needs to be covered at this meeting:

• Your introduction.  Introduce yourself.  Give your philosophy on coaching; what you hope to achieve.  It shouldn’t be winning.  It should be teaching and learning to play a game.

• The number of practices to be held each week.  This varies with the age of the team you are coaching.

• The location of the practices.

• Who will be present.  Never coach alone.  If you have no assistants to help you, then work out a program for a least one parent to be there at all times.  Why?   If someone is injured, who will take him or her to the emergency room?   Besides, you’ll need at least two people to help you at every practice.  Remember, get the parents involved.   Teach your assistant to coach.   The more involvement you can get, the more you success you’ll experience.

• Dates and times of the practices.  Stress coming to practice on time.  Inform parents and athletes of the consequences of missing practice, or of coming late to practice.  Discussing this will enable parents to work together to get their athletes to practice on time.  Again, the more assistance you get the greater opportunity for success.   If a player is not going to be at practice, require that the player, and not the parent, call to inform you of the situation.  Remember, you are teaching player responsibility not parental responsibility.  Practices are not practices unless everyone is present.  Stress this.

There’s more to discuss.  Follow me to Part 2.

FAQ #1

The question we asked ourselves, and were most frequently asked was, what is the best age to sign our child up for sports.

While it is true that you can sign your child up from a very young age, we always advise against it.  We started out with AYSO soccer, one of the most child-friendly organizations we know.  Anxious to begin we signed up our 5 year son and a year later our 5 year old daughter to play on soccer teams.  They were eager at first.  But generally, a 5 year old, on his own, doesn’t have the required self-discipline, social interaction skills, or the attention span to be successful in organized sports.   That means that you will have to supply these elements–often an uphill task.

We found that one practice a week might fly, provided something more interesting wasn’t claiming their attention.  But 2 and 3 practices were just too many.  Incentives needed to be provided to improve social interactions.  Lots of feedback about how to behave, or how to work together as a team is necessary.  If you have attended games with very young players, you have either been one of the parents, or have watched parents, who could barely keep themselves from running out onto the field to help their child follow, kick, or block a ball. The shouts of encouragement, though deafening, are certainly necessary.  And you still will have young athletes sitting down in the goal as they wait for action to return to their part of the field, or engaged in studying their shoes, or the gopher holes in the ground.  The best part of the games for these young athletes might just be the intermission oranges, and the after game treats.  Those are very important aspects.

Once we discovered that our goal of a positive and successful sports experience had gone awry, we reassessed our participation approach.  We learned that 7 was the magic age.  By the age of 7 the youth athlete has two very significant things going for her.  One is two years of experience in a very structured organization–school.  The other is  improved coordination.  Now he has the beginnings of appropriate social behavior and improved physical abilities.  He or she has a greater chance of success, and, with your support, will have the confidence to learn and develop their skills. Going to practices and playing the game will be activities they enjoy and can anticipate with zest.